My Challenge to Players

There are many benefits to being single.  This period in life provides for a significant opportunity for self-exploration, personal growth, and a myriad of experiences that help to shape you into a strong and well-balanced person.  The personal gains are undeniable as you must first be comfortable with yourself before you can have anything to offer someone else.  I am a definite fan of this approach, but I have to admit that I am a bit offended by some of the things that I have read in some the men’s magazines, online articles, and even conversations that I’ve had with dear friends that paint us as little more than confused children completely lacking of any self-awareness.

My negative reactions are not directed towards the publishers of these articles, but more so directed at my fellow brothers: men (myself included).  We have all donned the costume of the player.  We tried (some of us feebly) to exude the air of supreme confidence befitting that of “a ladies man”… dare I say a modern day Lothario???  I have taken these very steps and I honestly believe that this is a phase of life that every man should go through.  It is as critical to our overall development as popping those Flintstones vitamins that our mothers once lovingly (maybe even demanded!) that we take in the morning right after that heaping bowl of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes.

However, that phase should begin to phase out once we begin to approach or pass the age of 30.  By then, we should have developed enough skill to be able to stand as men and not frightened little boys.  And, it is that very caricature of us that these articles paint… that of a frightened little boy.  However, they come to us disguised as a sage’s list regaling the benefits of being a single man, player, ladies man, whatever.  Take a look:

•    You don’t have to tolerate moodiness & nagging
•    You can control your finances
•    You can enjoy activities that you like
•    You can have your friends over
•    You can go to the ballgame
•    You can leave your socks on the floor
•    You can have as many ladies as you like

Many of us claim that being a ladies man is the pinnacle of manliness, but I would argue that being able to take each challenge listed above and finding a workable compromise with your woman takes more skill.  (Maybe the one about the other women will be a harder sale!)  I believe that we jump from woman to woman as a way to mask our fears.  As a newly married guy and reformed player, I can unequivocally state that it is far more challenging to maintain a relationship than it is to run at the first hint of trouble.

So here is my challenge to the players out there:  Take some time and think about why you’re really trying to be a player.  Is it because you’re at a stage in life where it makes sense to take some time to learn about yourself and just enjoy singledom for a while, or are you really afraid to allow yourself to make a real connection with someone?

Just as there are challenges to being in a relationship, there are just as many, if not more, benefits. Here’s a brief list:

•    Regular, SAFE, Good Sex – Just cause you can get it doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Drop by your local clinic as a testament to this fact!
•    Intimacy – Love, trust, and mutual support outstrips anything whoever’s left standing by the bar at last call can provide
•    Economics – Committed couples (this must be a coordinated effort) are financially more successful than singles
•    Community – Having a network of supportive relationships will serve as the fuel we men need to achieve greater heights of personal achievement
•    Mental/Emotional/Physical Health – Everything mentioned above is a contributing factor to this benefit.

My goal is not to look down and judge you, or be a proponent of people jumping into a relationship before they are ready, but to challenge this ridiculous image of us as merely a group of boys parading as virile men that some of us even perpetuate.  Are you up for the challenge?

Misha Williams, Dallas Date Doctor, runs a private/membership only matchmaking & dating service.  Catering only to those clients who seek a high-level of personal service, discretion, and access to a firm who stands on the philosophy that quality not quantity of members is what’s most important.