Date Went Well, But No Phone Call… What Happened?

Okay ladies, this one is just for you, and at the risk of great personal peril from my fellow men, I will explain to you why this event occurs.  This is something that has plagued many, many women.  A really funny & entertaining movie/book was based upon it “He’s Just Not That Into You”, and lastly it has even plagued me. (I met the really gorgeous woman who ultimately became my wife, but this very problem nearly made our 1st meeting…our last one. For once it wasn’t the guy’s fault…tell ya all about it later.)

So you’re on our date, the wine is flowing, the laughter comes about effortlessly, flirtation is definitely in the air, and you are feeling very confident in the fact that this date was a grand slam… this guy is eating out of your hands and will certainly call you as he said he would to thank you for the wonderful time and setup the next date.  There’s just a small glitch in this scenario.  He didn’t call you back.

I’m sure that this problem has made many a therapist extremely wealthy, but I’m going to help you by giving you straight advice as to why this happened you, and at least for now, I won’t charge you.  So here we go, the top two reasons why your guy failed to call you back:

1.  He felt obligated to ask for you number, or say that he would call when he never really had the intention.  In our warped minds, we think that we’re just being polite when in fact we’re causing unnecessary pain and suffering.  The bottom line with this one is that we’re just too afraid to be honest and we don’t want to be perceived as the bad guy when, in fact, we’re becoming the epitome of the bad guy in doing this.

Although this, rightfully, makes you feel like crap and you should be angry, take heart in knowing that he really did you a favor.  If he doesn’t have the… (um… necessary parts that typically define the male version of our species) to call you back and just be honest, he’s not someone you want anyway.

2.  You fell into some negative stereotype – these stereotypes run the gamut:

• Daddy’s little princess – This is an instant turn-off.  He may not show it, but trust me… In his mind, he’s already thinking of meeting his buddies at the bar afterward.  Once there, he will sum up the date very quickly with, “She’s way too high maintenance.”
• Ms. Independent – This is the one most misread by women.  Today’s woman is a sight to behold.  She’s bold, successful, intelligent, and sexy to boot.  Women who have achieved their own level of personal success often state that we men are intimidated by that…which is why they can’t find a date.  To be fair, there are some of my fellow men who are only men due to their age and not their ability to handle life (giant boys really), but there are also those of us who appreciate and admire those independent qualities in a woman.  However, we don’t need it shoved in our faces as a test to see if we can handle a strong woman.  To quote an observation made in Rachel Greenwald’s book, “Why He Didn’t Call You Back”, men often feel like they would rather hire this type of woman than date them.
• I’m way too popular to turn off my cell-phone – This is just a basic, common courtesy.  The date should be about the two of you.  We understand that emergencies do come up and that we are not the center of your universe, but if a phone conversation isn’t necessary, just don’t answer.  It’ why God invented the vibrate button.
• Ms. TMI – This one can be a little frightening.  There are things that we men should not learn about until… oh maybe our 10 year anniversary.  There are certain procedures that are relevant only to women that we don’t need to know about and although we may feign interest.  And, we really don’t care about your ex.
• The Deal Sealer – This type of person is on a mission and that mission is not to waste time with a guy who isn’t serious about a relationship, so she peppers the conversation with seemingly innocuous, unrelated questions for the undercover purpose of determining our real intentions.  Here’s the problem: we know what you’re doing.  It comes across as being in an interview… a job interview; a husband job interview; a Daddy job interview.  This is the perfect way to destroy any budding chemistry developing between you two.
• Ms. Ho-Hum – When I’ve asked my friends before how their  dates went the night before, and they say that it was okay, it is a lost cause.  Women, please let your wonderful personality shine through.  Have something to say.  Be interesting.  Ask questions.  Make a comment to that answer, then ask the next logical question.  Show some enthusiasm and keep the conversation going.

So, ladies, what exactly am I saying to you?  I am certainly not suggesting that you change who are just to meet a guy.  That is a losing strategy.  What I am suggesting is that you become aware of the tendencies of the male mind.  That awareness is powerful because it will keep you one step ahead of those initial assumptions. It is those assumptions that keep us from getting to the next date where he will begin to learn who you really are, what you really have to offer, and that you are a wonderful person who he really needs to call back.

By the way, about that gorgeous woman who ultimately became my wife… She put in too many numbers into my phone when I asked for her number.  She then pegged me as one of those guys who didn’t call her back.  We ultimately worked through that drama and are now married, so if there any guys who are reading this, sometimes she didn’t blow you off.  She simply made a mistake.  If you really want her, sometimes you have to take a risk and go for what you want!   Happy Dating.

Misha Williams, Dallas Date Doctor, runs a private/membership only matchmaking & dating service.  Catering only to those clients who seek a high-level of personal service, discretion, and access to a firm who stands on the philosophy that quality not quantity of members is what’s most important.